A Mess, Nonetheless

Miss and Rachel had something planned at the start of this episode, but they decided that "bombs go first." Rachel was having a really tough morning and needed to dig into some tactics to fight the enemy. So they ended up spending the episode talking about that. They also discuss visualization and how it can be a powerful part of our prayer lives.

Rachel talks with Kristin Smith about grief and what it looks like to move forward after experiencing a devastating loss. Kristin shares the kinds of things that are helpful when walking alongside a friend who is grieving, and what kinds of things are NOT helpful. We think everyone can benefit from this episode and we are very grateful to Kristin for opening up and sharing her heart with us on this difficult topic. 
 
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Very few people don't ever yell, and very few people aren't surrounded by people who make them feel crazy once in a while! Miss and Rach dive into what the Bible says about the subject and what we should do when we habitually (or even occasionally) yell at our loved ones. 
Show Notes:
1/18 When they “force” me to yell
Is yelling at people we love ever ok? Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Proverbs 12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
2 Tim 2:24 And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil,
Proverbs 15:8 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
What should we do when we yell at our loved ones?
Own it. ASAP. “An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything.” unknown
I shouldn’t have done that, it’s not fair to you, I was wrong and I’m sorry
Psalm 51:3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.
Saying, “I’m sorry” shows maturity. 1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
Matthew 5:23-24 So, what if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that someone has something against you? Leave your gift there and go make peace with that person. Then come and offer your gift.
Make a plan to move forward. “Apologies aren’t meant to change the past, they are meant to change the future.” unknownHow will we stop hurting our loved ones? We have to make a plan, share it with those we leave, even allowing them to tell us how it makes them feel. 
Proverbs 16:3 – Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.
Psalms 20:4 – May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans!
Pray, Pray, Pray!
James 5:16b The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
 
Challenge: Start apologizing right now!

If you’re married, you know it’s hard, but do you know it’s hard for others too? Miss and Rach talk about the hard times in marriage and the benefit of sharing it with others so we know we’re not alone in the journey.

 Changing our perception in order to move forward.
We’ve all had to forgive others at different times, it’s a part of life. Have you ever noticed that sometimes even after forgiving someone it feels like the hurt feelings continue to resurface? Miss and Rach talk about how forgiveness is a two-step process; it takes intentionally changing our perception of the offender in order to start seeing them through a new lens and not a continual lens of the hurt. Tune in on all your favorite podcast apps + youtube!
Show notes:
***Disclaimer - this for the typical hurts in a typical relationship. We aren't talking about toxic, non-stop wounding relationships where distance and series boundaries need to be put into place. 
 
The Bible is clear that forgiveness is the only way through.
Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Ephesians 4:32  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
What happens after forgiveness?
If we don’t work on developing a new perspective toward the person who hurt us, we will fall back into old patterns and just need to keep working on forgiveness. This step helps relationships, but it helps us not give the enemy a foothold in our lives!
 
Challenge: Where have you worked on forgiveness, but not chosen to seek a new perspective that will bring fullness of healing and resolution. 

We might not think we live with fear in relationships, but what about when we don't bring something up for fear of how another will react? Or we don't ask for help because we are afraid of how people will perceive us? These are small and sneaky ways that fear creeps into our relationships and can create a tiny wedge that grows into a very big one over time. Miss and Rachel discuss fear, what the Bible says about it and why this is such an important topic for all types of relationships. 
 
Show Notes:
There is no faith where there is fear 
What’s the problem with fear?The Bible says to not fear 365 times. 
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
Relationships cannot flourish under the suspicion of fear
Share my example of intimidation and walking on eggshells in my own home. Liz told me to pray away the spirit of intimidation and pray in courage, connection and grace. 
Assumptions will let fear thrive in relationships
We have to be willing to share our concernsTelling Miss how some other faces make me feelRandy, even myself. 
We have to be willing to step into the uncomfortable conversations
Fear pushes others away
Challenge: Where are you letting fear into your relationships and what action step can you take this week to start turning the tables?

Most women have a mother-in-law and most women will become one themselves. Let's be honest, the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship comes with plenty of bumps along the road. It's quite unnatural! Melissa and Rachel discuss their experiences with having a mother-and-law and becoming one themselves. Tune in, we think everyone can benefit from this one!
 
Show notes:
 
Love the person for where they are.
They might not always be what we need/want
John 15:12: My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
Corinthians 16:14: Do everything in love. 
Release expectations.
We can’t need something from them that isn’t spoken.
Luke 6:31: Do to others as you would have them do to you.
We cannot change them, we can only pray for them and ask God to help us love them.

Is it ok to be angry, if so, when and what does that look like? What does the Bible say about it and what can we learn from it? Miss and Rachel journey through the topic and dig into it. We hope you'll benefit from this episode!
 
Show Notes:
Is anger ok?: 
We can know that anger in and of itself isn’t a sin because both God & Jesus display anger.
A few examples of God’s wrath in the OT include the worldwide flood (Genesis 6-9), the destruction of Sodom (Genesis 19), the defeat of the Egyptians (Ex. 15:7),
Righteous anger: John 2:13-17 13 When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. 15 So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. 16 To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!” 17 His disciples remembered that it is written: “Zeal for your house will consume me.”
Regular anger - do not sinEphesians 4:25-27 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 
James 1:19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
How to respond to someone’s anger: Leave it to God, stay calm, sometimes withdraw.Ecclesiastes 10:4 If a ruler’s anger rises against you, do not leave your post; calmness can lay great offenses to rest.
Psalm 34:14 Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
Romans 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
Matthew 12:13-15 Then he said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other. 14 But the Pharisees went out and plotted how they might kill Jesus.15 Aware of this, Jesus withdrew from that place. A large crowd followed him, and he healed all who were ill.
Luke 4:4,28-30 “Truly I tell you,” he continued, “no prophet is accepted in his hometown…. 28 All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this. 29 They got up, drove him out of the town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him off the cliff. 30 But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way.
Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
 
Challenge: Where do you struggle the most with Anger? Which verse today stopped you in your tracks and you might need to spend some time meditating on?

As we head into the busy, holiday season, we decided to re-air this episode from last year. Even if you listened to it last year we think this episode is filled with important reminders for all of us during this time of the year! 
 
Is it sometimes easy to dread spending time with people during the holidays, even if you also love them? Do you ever find yourself getting stressed over the idea of being with certain people, or maybe reliving past hurts and frustrations in your mind? Do you "just know" certain things are going to happen again? Melissa and Rachel have been there and are working on not staying there. They share the ways they've moved beyond their frustrations with other people and what the Bible says about it. Don't skip this episode before you spend time with people this holiday season, we are sure you'll get something out of it!

Phew, this is a tough topic, but we believe it's an incredibly important one in today's world. Rachel talks with Kristin Smith about their experiences walking through depression and suicide with loved ones. We hope you will take some time to listen. Whether this episode will help you in your own personal struggle, or in support of someone you love, we are hoping to help remove the stigma of mental health and suicide. 
 
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